Category: wordplay

I used to watch every Celtic game for free as a wee boy… The water boys job was taken.

Some people think I’m gonna keep them up to date on current affairs, Well have I got news for you

I always carry a rubber in my wallet just incase. So far it’s never been used my spelling is pretty good!

I visited the particle physics laboratory, CERN, in Geneva the other day. I signed up for the tour, and found out to my pleasant surprise that the tour guide was an attractive young research student. I was going to go for it, but it got a bit awkward when she noticed my hadron.

I’ve just broke up with my optometrist girlfriend. She was two-eye maintenance.

My mate asked me if I knew any cricket jokes… But I’m all out!

What’s got 10 fingers and comes from Norwich? A box of Bird’s Eye

I saw an American family drowning so I threw them a funeral wreath.

I’m a bit confused now. My boyfriend rang and said he wanted me to give him a golden shower tonight. But when I made enquiries at B+Q, all they did was give me some plastic sheeting.

My maths teacher gave me additional subtraction as a punishment. I don’t know how to take it..

Not that’s not spelled right

“If we stay together any longer,” I told my blonde wife, “I’m going to end up detesting you.” “Well that’s okay!” she replied with a smug look on her face, “I already know that it’s the fourth letter of the alphabet.”

The teacher asked, “What’s occurred?” I said, “It’s a smelly person from Iraq.”

Smokey Robinson has today stated that he will never again speak to extreme Goths. I second that Emo shun.

I was always the coolest kid in my school. My mum couldn’t afford to buy me clothes.