Category: wordplay

I’ve heard the news of Tiger Woods crash was told to the media by a little birdie..

I was stalking this woman for 5 hours the other day when she suddenly turned around and said “Please stop stabbing me with that plant”.

I decided to use a high-risk strategy to dry my washing today. Everything was on the line.

Now, for my next trick, I’m going to turn this Grandfather clock to one hundredth of its original size… Watch…

My son asked me where the most dangerous place on earth is. I’m stuck between Iraq/Kandahar place.

I finally got my tax return today. I found an asylum seeker’s wallet.

I’ve just seen an amazing black actor on a hit TV show. Crimewatch.

Did you hear about the rabbit who washed his thing and couldn’t do a hare with it?

I’ve Just been to see the optician, I keep seeing puff pastries out the corner of my eye…. Turns out it’s just profiterole vision.

I was at a pet fashion contest the other day when I saw a child’s dog wrapped in lovely clothes. I went over to the little girl to congratulate her, saying ‘I love your doggy style’. I was shortly escorted from the premises.

Who does Gary Numan want to be when he grows up? Gary Oldman.

Isn’t it funny how in the word ‘alsatians’ we can find ‘asians’. Yet we can find alsatians in asians too.

I ran into a few difficulties when I first started my business of providing exercise routines for 70’s rock bands. It’s fine now though, I’ve worked out the kinks.

For a cheap, degradable bag – have your wife carry the groceries home.

A Spanish bloke goes in to a Chinese Take-away and says, “Can I have sweet and sour badger with badger fried rice please.” The man behind the counter replies, “Ahh, Sett meal for Juan.”