Category: wordplay

What’s the difference between a sewing machine and a female jogger? A sewing machine’s only got one bobbin

Went to the Salvation Army to pick up some trousers and used boxers for the homeless lad down the road. He was thankful for the trousers but said I should keep Audley and David as they’re pretty useless.

Earlier today I walked through an estate where everyone was dressed like Biggles. Must be a pilot scheme.

I’ve just fisted my girlfriend’s big hole. It was an amazing feeling, seeing all her teeth crash to the floor.

Un homme entre dans une bibliothque et demande un livre sur le suicide. Le bibliothcaire dit: “Va te faire foutre, vous ne pourrez pas le ramener.” My French is a joke

I stand on the streets selling small porcelain dolls holding fishing rods. I help the Gnomeless.

My son does my head in sometimes. ALL I asked him to do was keep an eye on my soup so it didn’t boil over while I was in the shower, but he didn’t move a muscle. My wife said to cut him some slack, but he could have EASILY climbed over the wall of […]

I should really stop biting my nails. I think the iron is wearing my teeth away.

Agatha Christie was in a pub quiz, and on a piece of paper, she was told to give another word for death. Murder, she wrote.

I saw a couple snogging by a Coconut Shy last night. “Knock it off you two!”, I shouted.

The wife was waiting in bed while I stayed up watching TV, but I was debating with myself, “Should I Stay or Should I Go?”, even though I normally avoid any Clash with the wife.

I was downloading a video from the net about how germs can cause flu. I ended up with a streaming cold.

I was just at the Tupac Shakur memorial museum. No Biggie.

My recent form at battleships has been so hit and miss.

BBC headline “McDonald’s loses hamburger case” Surely it would make more sense to carry hamburgers in a paper bag.