Category: wordplay

I was getting my hair cut and the barber asked, “doing anything special this weekend?” “Yes I am,” I replied. “Her name is Linda and she has muscular distrophy.”

I’ve just made my girlfriend have a backstreet abortion. There’s no way I’m bringing up Nick Carters kid.

When we got divorced my wife took me to the cleaners. I’m still not sure why we couldn’t go to court like everyone else.

Every year, until the age of 10, Michael Jackson would personally deliver me a birthday present. It was very touching.

I watched the ‘Chubby Checker Story’ last night. Cracking twist at the end.

I’ve just been out and bought a goldfish bowl for my new goldfish. Now I just need to get a goldfish knife and fork and he can enjoy his dinner!

What do you call a crossdressing dinosaur? Trannysourus rex.

Last night I performed a magic act in which I encased everyone watching in rocks and minerals. The audience was in ore.

I’m a firm believer that a persons email address says a lot about them. It just so happens mine is a Hotmail account.

Inventing upper case letters was a capital idea.

Was chatting to my mate when this Asian guy comes up and says: “Satsuma, clementine, orange, satsuma, satsuma, orange…” I said to my mate “I haven’t got a clue what he’s saying.” My mate said “Thats because he’s talking in Mandarin.”

Flies spread diseases so please keep yours closed.

Once, a farmer had 3 beautiful daughters. One night, each one of these daughters was waiting for their dates to show up. The farmer had never met these dates before, and decided to greet them at the door with a shotgun to see if they were good enough for his daughters. The first date showed […]

I went to the doctors, because I think I something called ‘Nigerian-itis’. So he asked, “Do you like to wear flowery shirts in the winter? Are you better at football than others might suspect and often answer a question, with a question?” “What do you mean?” I replied. The doctor says I have a mild […]

Dumped my girlfriend when I found out she had Diabetes. Not my type.