Category: wordplay

I lost my job in the morgue after I got caught using peoples organs to make tools. My boss said that it was heart wrenching.

I like to steal food from babies, I know I’ll get in big trouble if I get caught. But that’s a rusk I’m willing to take.

I hate Rowers. Always sticking their oar in.

My mate just burst into my room while I was busy working and asked me what the side of someones mouth was called. The cheek.

Rubbed salt and pepper into a hookers eyes the other night. She’s now going round calling herself a seasoned pro.

I managed to get a lie in this morning. I got up really early and told my wife that I loved her.

I just found out I’m schizophrenic I hate myself for it

What’s a riot? Three dyslexics.

Harry Redknapp should definitely be the New England manager. If anyone can lead the Patriots to the Super Bowl it would be him.

BBC News: “Teacher CCTV shows attack aftermath.” Oh…I thought he was a science teacher.

There’s a direct correlation between my erection and my wife. It goes down when she does.

I asked my Dad how I could become a successful lift operator like he was, he told me I had to start at the bottom and work my way up..

So the Haye-Chisora fight has been given the go ahead. I’m not convinced, I think Haye might bottle it.

I’m going to sue apple for false advertising, the guy at the genius bar couldn’t even explain the theory of relativity to me.

I feel awful today. Last night I drowned my Sorrows after the England match. Problem is, Sorrows is my cat.