Category: wordplay

It looks like Michael Owen is going to get a start today. Alex Ferguson is going to creep up behind him on the bench and make him jump.

Whenever I try to sneak to the toilet in the middle of the night, I always end up with wet feet. One of my floorboards has a creek in it.

Duct tape. Say no more.

Are they ever going to find out if its maybelline or not?

I was playing scrabble with my wife. I said, “You’ve got B O”. She said, “Stop looking at my tiles”. I said, “I wasn’t”

My house was broken into last night and I found a note saying “we have your Sun, we want 100,000 or you’ll never be reunited”. Either their spelling is terrible or they have a fetish for newspapers.

The Anorexia Ward is the easiest place to pick up girls.

There was a fit bird batting her eyelids at me in the pub last night. I picked them up off the floor and batted them straight back.

My mate wanted to play hide and seek dressed in a bobble hat and a stripy jumper whilst holding a walking stick, What a Wally.

I’ve just been shortlisted for a prestigious award in recognition of my talent to write and send letters. I’m nominated for best mail.

Going Green: it really is the only way to save the planet. The more rotting, mouldy corpses the better.

I bought a blue cactus the other day, something is definitely wrong with it, but i just can’t put my finger on it…..

My mate insists it’s not him in the photo swimming in the longest river in the world. He’s in denial.

My doctor told me I had O.C.D. I put him right back in his place

My wife asked ‘I dont understand double entendres, can you please fill me in?’