Category: wordplay

What’s a geriatric? A German footballer scoring three goals.

I started my new job on a building site yesterday and people are right what they say. There were poles everywere.

I told my girlfriend to wear a skirt to prevent camel toe showing. Still a miracle we actually got the beast into her and through customs though.

Demba Ba- The black sheep of Newcastle

I went into McDonalds and ordered a Big Mac meal. The bloke behind the counter said, “You having it large?” I said, “No mate, just going to sit quietly and eat my food”

I was running a sports day for a group of kids with Aspergers ” Here’s a bat and ball, knock yourselves out” Easiest money i’ve ever made…

I’m usually very good at remembering things, but last night I forgot what Al Yankovic’s nickname was. I thought: “That’s weird”.

I hate it when TV producers keep making a programme long beyond its natural shelf life, just because they want to make some easy money. It’s shameless.

I’ve just read a brilliant book on domestic violence. It’ll take some beating.

My mate invented the perfect anti-grizzly suit the other day. He’s been absolutely unbearable ever since.

I know a jazz musician, everyone calls him “Soul King” Because all he does is mope.

A bloke in a tractor just drove infront of my house shouting about the rapture. I think it was Farmer Geddon.

African boxer Jigaboo Wogchops has just returned to the ring after having both feet amputated due to a horrific accident. So far he has had 12 fights without defeet

Whenever the comedian Louis C.K. performs for Hispanic audiences, he’s introduced as “Louis Yes.What.”

This joke is like a simile… Even with an explanation, the Americans still won’t get it.