Category: wordplay

Im going to fire up the Barbie later. Just have to get her off my daughter first.

Kleptomaniacs always take things literally.

My girlfriend’s bush is so hairy that not even a North Korean rocket would go down on that.

I always thought I would never see the day when I went blind.

With the prices of energy so high these days, ive chosen to change my energy source. I’m saving 18p a week by switching from Relentless to Lucozade.

River Cafe’s Rose Gray dies at 71. Earl must be gutted.

Of all the nuts out there, pistachios are by far the worst behaved. They all come from broken homes.

Bit disappointed by the stripper I got for my birthday, I’m quite happy with the paint job on my doors at the moment

I have a bottle of sodium hydroxide hidden away which no one knows about. It’s my secret base

I’ve only got one complaint about four-poster beds. You still need at least six hundred more posters to make it the same size as a mattress.

Don’t you just hate it when you die for not sending chainmail…

I was mentally undressing this girl at work today. She was no match for my garden shears.

I’m quite a good escape artist. Unfortunately my paintings of prison breaks aren’t big sellers.

A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.

I was at a party the other night when my mate started abusing CFC’s from a canister. . . It Really killed the atmosphere.