Category: wordplay

I’ve just had a quick lesson on how to use a horn It was a tootorial.

BBC News: ELO cellist Mike Edwards killed by bale of hay. Paramedic’s on the seen were clutching at straws trying to save him.

The guy who invented the autocue died this week at the age of 91. When I found out I was speechless.

Before we broke up, my last girlfriend screamed at me, “I never want to see you again!” So I replaced her eye drops with battery acid.

My wife wasn’t impressed with the deep, fat fryer I brought home yesterday. He works in the chippy and just mumbles philosophy.

Every year my mate says he’s going on an expensive longhaul holiday, yet every year he ends up camping in Devon. Torquays cheap.

I got some strange looks when I was sitting on the bus this morning . I bet they were wondering how I got up there.

I’ve invented a washing machine for five pound notes It’ll be real money spinner

I’ve just been tested for Chlamydia. Not great feedback, but the nurse was lovely, so I’m taking some positives from it.

BBC News – “Church tops young music rich list”. I’m not surprised… …priests have been grooming the best choir boys for years.

Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure is so unrealistic. Everybody knows you need a flux capacitor to travel through time.

Someone nicked the plug off the kettle at work today. I can see trouble brewing.

Everyone’s fire resistant to a degree.

I started my new hoverboard business just this week. Opened the factory and got production going. Just need the product to get off the ground now

Can a shoe box? No…but a tin can.