Category: wordplay

I just experienced a wardrobe malfunction. Couldn’t get into Narnia.

I watched the Lord of the Flies last night. Got bored pretty quickly; spiders don’t move that much.

I found a rock yesterday which measured 1760 yards in length. Must be some kind of milestone.

Two was pointing a loaded gun at Zero. Just before Two fired the fatal shot, One threw himself in front of the bullet, taking the full force of the blow. Poor number One, he died for nothing.

My wife loves sucking my privates. I wish I never took her to the barracks now.

My sister has been engaged to a footballer for over ten years. Come on Diego, marry Donna.

Used to work at a bowling alley; but I got fired. Wasn’t to bothered anyway, I was only Tem-pin.

Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity

Got to repair my front door. Everything hinges on it.

I’m organising a party for people with locks at the bottom of their doors Its a very low key affair

I was just accused by my Jewish neighbour of being an anti-Semite! I replied, “That’s an outrageous accusation! Geez, get with the pogrom!”

My wife is going to leave me if I don’t give up my obsession with Gregorian monastic music. Last chants.

I demonstrate a real flare for arson.

What do you get if you cut up an avocado into 6.02×10^23 pieces? Guaca-mole.

A cattle grid walks into a pub. Barman says, “Get out. You’re barred”.