Category: wordplay

While at the zoo, my wife was molested by 4 monkeys, 2 orangutans & a chimp. Poor woman’s been gang-aped..

British Airways and Air France. They came. They saw. They concorde.

Don’t contradict yourself, contradict yourself instead

How do you weigh citrus fruits? Limescale.

Someone smashed my mates face in last night with a boat paddle. It must have been a terrible oar deal.

Where is a Rastafarians favourite holiday destination? Yemen

I used to suffer with terrible flashbacks. Luckily, they’re a thing of the past.

Hubble telescope detects the oldest known galaxy. Yeh but it’s not like we can eat it. It’ll be out of date.

Just got in trouble at work for saying ‘puff pastry’. The head chef said I’ve either got to call him Dave or fetch it myself.

I’ve just created a website that requires anyone that logs on to fill the home page with small black and white squares. Check it out.

I mistakenly confused Abu Hamza with Abu Qatada. Must be a clerical error.

Cleaning out the attic, I’ve just come across the trigger mechanism from a toy ray-gun that was given to me decades ago by the priest at my childhood Sunday school. That’s a bit of a blaster from the pastor.

I have a load of stones lodged down my throat Now my voice is all gravelly

I had it hard when I was younger. I’d come home from school, and a chicken sandwich would hit me in the face. If I opened the bathroom door, I’d get a bowl of ice-cream thrown at me. I didn’t know where the next meal was coming from.

I was hanging out at the gym earlier with a couple of friends. I knew I should have bought bigger shorts.