Category: wordplay

On a recent holiday my wife tried bungee jumping and she had the time of her life. Every single last second of it.

I hate that awkward moment in the restaurant when you realise you don’t know how much to tip. The wife tells you you’re tipping way too much, but you ignore her and then… you fall backwards off your chair into the fish tank.

When I was at school, people used to throw gold bars at me. I was the victim of bullion.

At the weekend I hosted an ear-poking contest. It was a fight to the deaf.

For years I’ve filed my toenails, but now I think, why do I keep them?

I sat there and smiled as my brothers kids played in their sandpit on a warm summers day. Sure, it’s a little annoying when they fill my shoes up with wet sand or put handfuls in my coat pocket, but I’ll have the last laugh as soon as they find the landmine

Threw a housewarming party last night. The radiators were steaming.

I really hate spider plants. They’re by far the most difficult shots in snooker.

I’ve always found the letter “n” divides opinion.

I think my pumpkin really enjoys Halloween. Every Halloween weekend his face always lights up!

My mate told me about his get rich quick scheme by stealing the inside of orange peel. I think he’s taking the pith.

Need help with your short-sightedness? Look no further.

I’d love to tell you about my bondage and S&M sessions. Unfortunately, my hands are tied.

I’ve just started a new job in a restaurant and last night I was waiting on tables outside for four hours. Eventually it opened and I could start my shift.

My wife’s leaving me because of my obsession with goats. Fortunately we don’t have any kids.