Category: wordplay

Lots of gentle strokes, dip it in then out with a nice rhythm, the ends going to get wet thats to be expected, now look at how happy you’ve made your mum. Well done son, you’ll definitely win the rowing race this year.

The police just arrested me at my sportwear stall on the market. Apparantly “short selling” is now banned.

I think the real solution to this crisis we’re in is changing America’s credit rating to PG.

Being with the wife all those years, I was happy to see her let herself go. And it was far better to die in a fall than that fire.

BBC News: 5 year old girl in gunshot wound is no longer in a critical condition. Or ‘dead’.

I’m never buying milk from an Asian shop again. Yesterday it went off. On the Tube.

Just eaten 9 ‘After Eight’ mints, but so far nothing’s happened.

I’ve been slowly torturing a centipede for the past 98 days. It’s on its last legs now.

I caught my son messing around with a plug socket earlier…. He’s grounded.

I hate it when people make jokes about the Polish. I mean, it makes my shelves look ever so shiny.

I seen a large line of Emo’s and Goths lining up to buy Cliff Richard concert tickets. It must be some new way of self harming

My wife told me that she has a fetish for washing machines. “Great,” I said. “The lawnmower and my motorbike could do with a good scrubbing.”

I’ve heard rumours that an evil scientist has spliced genes from Bond villains Blofeld and Oddjob. He’s hoping to produce an evil BloJob.

My wife went mad when she caught me in bed with Zero our African neighbour. I don’t know what all of the fuss is about, she means nothing to me.

Did you hear the one about the depressed frog? He wanted to kermit suicide.