Category: wordplay

My dad likes to think of himself as the ringmaster. He’s not in the circus, he’s a paedophile.

I’ve decided to do my bit to save the Euro. I bought myself a piggy bank.

BBC News: Woman ‘called man 65000 times’ Susan Boyle?

Orange and Apple will make a great pear for the iPhone.

I’ve just had a bit of trouble taking down my Christmas tree. This would never have happened in my wrestling days.

My daughter and her friend asked me if I wanted join in their skipping game this morning. “You can count me in!” I replied.

My mate just rang and said “I’ve just bought a mini clubman, come over tomorrow.” I can’t wait. It’s not everyday you see a chav dwarf playing golf.

I would love to dance at a metric party, but I have two left 0.305 metres

I tore my mates origami bird into two today. RIP.

I wanted to get a power-gate for my drive. But with gate power comes gate responsibility.

I heard that the BBC Asian network is to be taken over by a rock and metal based radio station. Qur’ang Radio.

I used to fool people by putting up signs indidcating a ‘right turn’ in the road. But now I’m on the straightened arrow.

My son asked me if I could help him with his geography homework. He had to divide the history of the earth into seperate time periods. “I’ll help you out”, I said, “but it’s gonna take ages”.

The kitchen staff really helps my wife get the cooking done quicker. I say staff… but really it’s just a big stick I use to beat her with.

My wife is pretty handy around the house. She’s not allowed inside.