Category: wordplay

A friend of mine asked me to be usher at his wedding last week. But when I blacked up, stripped off my shirt and sang R&B, he wasn’t very happy.

For future reference, please see a clairvoyant.

I hated school. My English teacher said that I would never amount to anything. I said to him, “Mark my words… that’s your job.”

My wife thinks I’m too old to still care so much for my Lord of the Rings memorabilia. But you know what they say, it’s not easy saying goodbye to old hobbits.

For some reason I can’t get hired. I work as a kid’s entertainer playing music at parties but several customers think my act is inappropriate so I have turned to the internet to see if anyone wants to book me for their son/daughter’s party. Anyway, if you wish to get in contact with me my […]

My hair has got to a ridiculous length. I think it’s reached the cut off point.

Most people don’t want to know when and where they’re going to die, but I do. Then I won’t go there.

I seem to be getting more Spam than ever these days. Maybe I should give the wife more housekeeping money?

just drank a pint of food colouring!!, Do you think I will dye?

“Why won’t you just be happy for me?!” – Girl with a Dwarf fetish.

So the man with no arms and legs managed to swim the channel. What a buoy.

My mate who was a farmer had a hair brained scheme to breed genetically modified sheep that were twice the size of normal ones.To do so he had to remortgage his house to finance it but things didn’t go to plan,and although the sheep were larger they weren’t as big as he’d hoped and he […]

Sometimes I regret not learning to speak French. But such is life.

I’m not saying I’m getting on a bit or anything, but I was around when it was still known as ‘El Paso’.

I’m a big fan of Bee Gees and I also like cooking Chinese food. Well, you can tell by the way I use my wok.