Category: wordplay

My boss came into the office today and shouted “Morning people, how are you?” I didn’t reply though, as I hate waking up early

Statistically every 5/3 jokes either has speling or mathematical mistakes in it.

I got arrested for being unable to control my erection. The health and safety officer said it’s the most wobbly scaffolding he’s ever come across.

I’m going to see a cage fight tomorrow night. It’s scheduled for twelve rounds against a wooden crate.

As an avid trainspotter and casual pedophile, I have been most disappointed tonight and am now considering suing Babestation under the trades description act.

Stairlifts drive me up the wall.

Just went to a surgeon’s car boot sale, there were all kinds of weird and interesting body parts. I left with a heavy heart.

I’m totally opposed to child labour. If children start forming political parties, it might be the end of cheap trainers.

I’ve cancelled the order with our potato and tomato wholesaler. There was a communication problem, so we called the whole thing off.

My mate got hit in the head by a jar of Nescafe that fell off a lorry. It was instant death.

I met this woman at an African Charity event last night. She said ‘Me and my husband are giving people.” I said “Try giving water instead, they seem to prefer that.”

Microsoft has released its new operating system, the Windows 7. I still think that sounds more like a double glazing terrorist group.

My mate Leroy’s favourite group is Take That.

Due to alcohol abuse I liver damaged lifestyle.

Just read on the BBC website about an old woman in Durham who set up a gym inside an old clapped out single decker bus. Wonder if she’ll be taking the sessions herself or bringing in some experienced coaches.