Category: wordplay

Shaun Wright-Phillips is the only number I have left in my little black book since Gary Coleman died.

Whenever we discuss politics, one of my mates brings up how he feels the country should be a theocracy. But then, Theo would say that.

My Dad wanted me to have everything he never had, So he got me a job.

I went to my best mates 21st birthday party last week and took a tropical fish tank as my guest. I keep my friends close, but my Anemones closer.

I had always wondered why they called it ‘injury time’ at the end of a football match. That is until we lost to a goal in the 93rd minute and my wife helped me to understand it a bit better.

BBC News: Teacher Peter Harvey beat a pupil around the head with a dumbbell while shouting “die, die, die,” a court heard today. That’ll teach him for not knowing what the singular of “dice” is.

What do you call a Welsh atheist that’s good at solving problems? Dai Agnostic.

My wife said, “I think Barcelona will win tomorrow” I said, “Put your money where your mouth is?” She said, “Oi shhink arshhloer mmm mmin momorr”

A friend of mine asked me where most Jews are in the world. I said “Germany”. They’re just all underground.

I once made a submarine out of polystyrene. It didn’t go down very well.

Sky News: Police question soap star. So do I. The sky looks dirt black at night.

Msn news: Arrest over river body parts found, A spokesperson reports that they have found a mouth so far.

I used to be good at Maths. That was until they decided to add the alphabet to it.

Javier Mascherano wants to leave Liverpool Football Club according to his brother, Sausagean

My new girlfriend is great!only one thing though… Every time she smokes weed she goes lesbian. I guess she just gets the munchies.