Category: wordplay

My uncle was a bit of a dare-devil in his day. Well he used to be a full one until he tried juggling chainsaws.

The other market traders think Im mad getting in a load of Russian dolls on my stall to sell,but I dont. I think there is something in it.

My mate’s never going to make his wedding on time as he’s been stuck in traffic for hours. We super-glued him to the middle of the road last night on his stag do.

Have you heard about that new cult that’s going around? They dress up as pidgeons and chickens and beat up black people. Apparently, they call themselves the Coo Clucks Klan.

People keep saying to me today. “Don’t forget to move your clocks and watches forward tonight mate!” Well I’ve just done my watch and its stupid, it keeps sliding off my fingers.

Maddie’s Kidnapper. Taking the ‘gal’ out of ‘Portugal’.

I was having a cup of tea earlier and found there was a witty remark printed on the side of the cup. I did not find it too amusing. It was a joke for mugs.

I’ve won a 36 hour no sleeping contest recently. I left all other contestants in my wake.

I love this time of year as there’s always a Bond movie on. My favourite has to be The History of Pritt Stick.

I was eating a Magnum, when I thought “Glocks taste better.”

I’ve just bought a new mouse trap. It’s hilarious watching my family try to use the computer.

I’ve joined a rap band with my fellow train constructors. We have a couple of good tracks.

90% of the worlds photograph paper comes from Zambia. Its a developing country.

My mate claims he invented a new bra clip thats benefits men. It wont catch on.

I went to the magic circle to apply to train as a magician and they gave me a form to fill in, I gave up after a few minutes, it was full of trick questions…