Category: wordplay

I dig up beautiful people and sell their heads as masks. People take them at face value.

I think my wife is going to leave me because of my obsession with Sci-Fi programmes. To be quite honest though I hope she does. Torch wood.

“Waiter, what’s wrong with my eggs?” “Don’t ask me, I only laid the table.”

You have to say, Ledley King is missing out on a great opportunity if he doesn’t call his son Juan…

As I was eyeing up my last shot on the 18th hole in the golf tournament I decided to use my driver. He’s a much better player than me.

I invested $1000 in some American shares….. It made a lot of cents.

I’ve been a happily married man for 30 years. But recently I’ve taken to hiding in the Wardrobe and watching my Step Son get changed. I’ve just come into the closet.

My German mate just bashed out a ten second rendition of “In The Hall Of The Mountain King”. He never could resist a Blitzgrieg.

I was reading The Sun earlier when something caught my eye. The corners of the page are sharper than they look.

Death – a once in a lifetime experience.

I can’t believe how stupid Dr Fox has been letting his mate go to work with him & risking national security. He should have stuck with presenting the charts.

I’ve kept a low profile since our local Kwik-Fit was robbed.

I was once caught in a cemetery after lock up. I was told if I didn’t get out I would face grave consequences.

I bought a new Apple Mac the other day. It’s great, every time it rains I smell like Cider.

When climbing ladders, do blind people need a step-by-step guide?