Category: wordplay

Just had my planning application to open a specialised clothes shop in Bridgend turned down, not sure why, I was only going to sell jumpers..

The absailers in my football team are really annoying, they always get booked for descent.

Wouldn’t it be rad if you could get a degree in angles.

Yesterday,I bought loads and loads of women’s body spray that I’m sure I’ll never use. It was an Impulse buy.

I like to have a nice warm bowl of fabric softener whenever I feel ill. Comfort food.

I went to see an epileptic contortionist last night. I said to myself “There’s no way she’s going to fit inside that box”.

From the moment people started throwing semi-aquatic mammals at our local zoo keeper, I knew his fate was sealed.

I tried to watch the football at the pub last night, but it was ruined by the flaming kids. Fire in the ball pit apparently.

My wife made me breakfast in bed this morning. I’m so happy I’ve moved her sleeping quarters into the kitchen.

what do you call a terrorist brain surgeon? Mind Blowing

7 schoolboys found hanged in their bedrooms using their school tie groovy, tie dye must be back in fashion!!

I wish Germany would leave poor Greece a loan.

My ex has just got with a cage fighter and she seems pretty smug about it. I’m confused, how do you go about fighting a cage?

As my old grandad lay on his deathbed, he whispered in my ear his secret of how to be a successful pheasant poacher. “Put them in boiling water”.

Where’s the best place to find fossils? Wetherspoon’s at lunch time.