Category: wordplay

Just started work at the glue factory and already I’m starting to bond with my workmates.

When my boiler broke, I got a man out. I don’t know how he got in there in the first place.

I’m often accused of having “A superiority complex” I just put that down to jealousy though.

David Cameron has said that Rupert Murdoch “must get house in order”. Aren’t there more important things to worry about here, Dave, than some old Australian guy alphabetising his CD collection?

Why did the chicken cross the road? To mark the spot where his brother was killed.

Im really upset now. My Girlfriend has sent me a text saying she cant see me anymore. Its been like this ever since she went to the opticians.

I went into the fines office today to pay a speeding ticket, the clerk said, “How would you like to pay your fine?” “Cash and you’re not too bad yourself.” I replied.

I’ve just been to a parisian cinema and watched “ET”. I think in English it’s called “AND”.

I saw a wasp acting like an Apis mellifera, and thought to myself “it can’t bee.”

I keep spraying the wife with gold, maybe I have a gilt complex.

I just bought ET. Now I just need S to complete the set.

My wife is absolutely thrilled that I got an extension on the house. The plastic surgeon took pity on me and did it for free.

NEWS: World Masturbating Championships 2013 to be held on Palm Sunday.

Acupuncture is a jab well done

I needed to sit down the other day, so I asked a lady if I could use one of the steps leading to her house. You should have seen the vacant stare I was offered back.