Category: wordplay

I once knew a girl who wore her bra so tight that she started to think she was a man eventually she completely forgot she was ever a girl Her therapist says she has repressed mammaries.

How far do racist marathoners have to run? Only 3 k’s.

My science teacher asked me to compose a sentence containing the words “Cosmic ray” I said “I’m wearing my blue jumper, cosmic ray one is in the wash.

Just remember to turn a blind eye and have a bit of sympathy for a Chav driving around with 8 people in his car … He even needs all those mates to back him up down the drive.

I bought an old Snoopy annual at the bookstore. The wrapper on it said, “May Contain Peanuts”.

Pro-Gbagbo TV station called for people to mobilise against what it called a French ‘”occupation”. How is attacking smelly waiters going to help?

I saw a fat person fall down the steps earlier. I didn’t laugh, but the ground was cracking up.

I went to a vending machine in the university’s maths department and bought an ‘x bar’. It was average.

I had six flying insects in my room, then I left the window open and twice as many flew in. You do the moths.

Apparently sharks are only responsible for a handful of fatalities every year. Probably because its hard to get a copy of Mortal Kombat to work in the sea.

I was talking dirty with my wife yesterday in bed. She said, “Make me hot, baby.” I don’t think she appreciated the team of make-up artists and plastic surgeons I called in.

A blind man walked into a bartender.

I’ve just caught the wife trying to put a shelf up. I said. “Will you stop that. I’ll go and get some batteries for your Rabbit.”

I sold a couple of Adele Cd’s on e-bay about a fortnight ago, and the people who bought them are refusing to pay. Do you think I should give up, or keep on chasing payments?

Went for a Chinese last night and I ordered something from the specials board. I got too much foo young.