Category: wordplay

“Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels” is mostly a very violent film, but in the end they have buried the Hatchet.

I like to invest in the youth of today so I make regular deposits.

You should strike while the iron is hot, which is why many smelting plants never get much work done.

There’s a new spray out made by a company called Seven Seas that is designed to help your joints. Don’t buy it because it doesn’t work. It just makes your Rizla wet and leaves a nasty taste in your mouth.

At a theatre audition, a little girl had had nine attempts to conceal her lisp, leaving just one left. It was a tenth situation.

I asked my girlfriend the other day; “What can I do to stop my addiction to wordplay jokes?” She said; “whatever means necessary. ” I said “No it doesn’t.”

I don’t understand my wife at times. Usually Monday to Sunday.

I went up to Tony the Tiger yesterday and asked “What do you think of my trainers?” *wink wink* “They’re alright…” He replied.

I used to be a burglar but I’d always get caught on the first floor. Same old storey.

My wife told me she can’t stand being with me anymore… So I cut her legs off.

My mate manages a football team, and when I asked him how things were going this season and he said “Alright, I just need one more player to help all of the black players gel together, any suggestions?” I replied “Pascal Chimp-bonder”

My baby daughter has started stealing cheesy pop CD’s. She’s just taken her first steps.

Trees seem very popular, They’ve got branches everywhere!

I’m getting bored with our local silk worm wrestling contest. It always ends in a tie.

I made a Staggering discovery the other day. You get home from the pub a lot slower that way.