Category: wordplay

‘I’ before ‘E’ except after ‘C’. My Neighbours run a Foreign Freight train company, and last week all Their stock was Seized by this Weird customs officer, he was Feisty guy, I reckon he was on those Weight gain Protein drinks, that or he just injected it into his Veins; well me and him shared […]

Just went into the apple store in Ireland and tried to buy an IPod. But apparently they only sell apples.

A new Chinese restaurant had just opened so I thought I would try their beef in oyster sauce. It tasted nice, but then I found a severed finger in it. I looked at the menu again, ‘made using authentic Chinese workers’. Suddenly I wasn’t as hungry.

I’ve decided to inscribe my late wife’s last words on her gravestone. It reads, “I’m stuck in traffic. Can you make tea?”

Not looking forward to the next Spiderman film, apparently he’s gone vegan and only fights animal cruelty. Changed his name to PETA Parker.

BBC News: ‘Arrest after hospital abuse film.’ To be fair, you’d be tired too if you’d been bullying spastics all day.

I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.

Just thought of a great owl joke, but I can’t use it until 2/8/20.

I used to go out with a baker. I had to dump her in the end though. She was too kneedy.

My friend came round yesterday to see if I wanted to order any cheap toys or games as he was planning to go shoplifting from Hamleys. I asked if he could steal me a strategic board game based on world domination, but he said that he wasn’t prepared to take the risk.

I’m currently directing a film in which a man tries to rid a child of an irritating skin condition caused by the devil. I’m calling it the Eczemacist.

In the Middle East Muslims are getting in fights with their former supporters. The Shiites are hitting their fans

The girl doing the dinosaur tour at the museum was so hot, I followed her home. And Raptor.

Ever since my thespian mate became a cocaine and steroid addict, he’s been acting all high and mighty

I sued someone for copying my quantum luggage design once. It was an open-and-shut case.