Category: wordplay

I’m currently in hospital after receiving a shock from the television. I saw Susan Boyle in high definition.

An electrician was arrested after a brawl in the pub last night. He was eventually discharged.

I can’t remember the last time I got really drunk.

Before his release from prison all you ever saw were posters saying Free Nelson Mandela and I got a bit bored with it. So I started my own poster with Arch-Bishop Desmond Tutu, 20% off

My New Zealand girlfriend said that she was falling in love with my rubbish puns, so I asked her to maori me.

I like throwing coins at Metathesiophobics. They don’t like change.

My kids think the only way to get their point across is to write in capital letters. I told them that’s not always the case.

There’s a black guy who sits at the desk opposite from me at the office. I’ve never spoken to him, but he always gives me funny looks. I can only put it down to him being jealous of my world record attempt for ‘longest time in a Klan Hood’ but some people are content to […]

Diabetes is hereditary. I got it from my sugar daddy.

I was in London with my mates when one of them said “How are we going to get over the river?” I said, “We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it”.

I came home last night, kicked the front door in, knocked my wife’s teeth out with one punch, then shat myself. It was a Stella performance.

The Salem witch trials… They were trying times.

I’ve spent my entire life researching the multiples of zero and it has amounted to nothing.

Breaking News : Newly crowned Bukkake world champion claims he will “Take on all comers”.

I didn’t know what to say earlier when a young man with downs syndrome punched me in the face. I was dumbstruck.