Category: wordplay

How does Prince Charles get on at table tennis when he forgets his paddles? He has to play it by ear.

Doctor Octopus robbed a bank this morning… Apparently he was well armed.

I was driving round aimlessly earlier when I thought I fancied a McDonald’s. Just at that exact moment I saw a big illuminated golden M. It must have been a sign.

I looked out into my garden to see a load of small black birds that were all speaking Russian. I think it was a flock of Stalin’s.

I might take my small brown pet for a walk this morning. Lovely day ferret.

I tried decaff last night. It’s the only place to get a decent cup of tea in Jamaica.

I never thought I’d enjoy philosophy until I found my nietzsche

A man on the TV is complaining because he hasn’t slept for 3 months. Why would anyone want to sleep for 3 months?

How d’you make a witch itch? Take away her W. How d’you make my girlfriend itch? Take away her B.

They say music increases intelligence. I’ve been a studious pupil of the pink oboe for years.

What is a shorter name for a metal detecting enthusiast? A virgin.

Force feeding pig meat to Muslims: It puts the ham in Mohammed.

I do wish people would stop posting Osama jokes, this site’s really been laden with them.

I was told it was traditional to wet the babys head by having a few beers. Little lightweight puked on his first pint.

It was a bit pointless teaching my dog how to sit. No sane person will trust a rottweiler to look after their children.