Category: wordplay

I was doing one of those online quizzes to find out how dominant I am. But I just couldn’t Submit.

I thought that people would think I was a bit sad when they found out that I spend hours correcting the grammar and spelling of other people’s posts on Sickipedia, but so far everyone has looked impressed when I’ve told them I right jokes.

What’s the difference between Elton John and Blackbeard? One is famed for plundering booty, and the other is a pirate.

I’ve learnt many things by trial and error. Most importantly, being a judge just wasn’t for me.

My wife left me because I think that everything is ironic. Which was ironic.

A woman came up to me in a club and said “I heard that you were a limbo dancer?” I said “Yeah I am” She said “Come on then…How low can you go?” I said “Well if I was desperate then I’d probably steal from a kid with cancer”

I was talking to a navy seal earlier. I couldn’t understand why it was that colour…

What’s the easiest way to spot a black man? With white paint.

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

I gave my German friend to the count of three to explain himself for the lack of moisture in his spaghetti… I said, “Heinz, why dry?”

I’ve just been down to the pub and had five pints of fresh orange juice. Now I can’t talk properly. I think I’m pithed.

Sword sheaths… I don’t see the point.

I’ve just seen a sign for a low bridge. I didn’t even know they could get depressed.

Did you hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers? It’s called, Sosumi.

I got arrested the other day for vandalising the axioms of mathematics. I got let off though, nothing could be proved…