Category: wordplay

In a lot of Greek legends, people are impregnated by animals, even though we now know this is a physical impossibility. It was a common myth-conception.

Walked into a nightclub the other night wearing my ref’s kit, pushed my way through the crowd, placed a football in the middle of the dance floor & blew my whistle. It kicked off.

A hippie has choked to death on health food. Police say he died of natural courses.

I recently seperated from my partner of 20 years, and I feel like I’ve lost a huge part of me. I guess most siamese twins go through this after the operation.

Don’t use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.

I like to do my raping under the cover of darkness. That way, if there are any witnesses, Justin Hawkins will get the blame.

I love my new job as a lolly-pop man. Kids keep coming up and licking me.

I heard that people hate it when you listen in on their conversations.

I had to let off some steam earlier. It had burned me, but I’m sure it didn’t mean to.

I would rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

I’ve always eaten my food in a military fashion, shuffling the vegetables in the middle, within a mash potato wall, surrounded with a gravy moat .. There’s no escapeas on my watch.

My missus is a bit of a ringer for Victoria Beckham. The other day we were in bed together and she asked me to finger her. So I told the police she was responsible for abducting Maddie.

I have been diagnosed with an illness that turns me into a mechanical killing machine programmed to go back in time to kill Sarah Connor. Hopefully I’ll get over it with a bit of determination.

Went to a Chinese book store the other day, but couldn’t find the book I wanted. It was only on my way out I noticed that it was the Wong Foo Kin Book Store.

AT OM Who said splitting the atom was complex!