Category: wordplay

I got a leaflet in the mail this morning about a half price sale on everything at Argos. It explained a great deal.

The lift doors in a hotel open and a beautiful woman runs out. She hurries over to the reception desk and says to the man: “Excuse me, I’m in a dreadful rush, could you please check me out?” The receptionist looks her up and down and says: “Not bad. Not bad at all.”

My wife is growing acorns in our bathroom. She loves her toiletries.

I watched a pirate DVD the other day. It was a bunch of Somalians demanding ransom money.

I always look up to my best mate. He’s 6’10”.

My wife has packed her bags and gone – just because of my fetish with touching pasta. I’m feeling cannelloni right now.

When it comes to HIV, there is no positive news.

My Spanish girlfriend was cheating on me with a Lurpak salesman so i hired a mantequilla

I just watched a TV ad for Old Jamaica Ginger Beer that said “You can’t beat an Old Jamaican”. Challenge accepted.

What’s blue, has three feet and kills hundreds of children a year? A metre of water.

“I’m a poetician.” “You mean a politician?” “No, all my lies rhyme.”

Looks like the days of good grammar is went.

I grazed my shin today. Tasted of hair.

I’ve been trying to get over my fear of the stairs, but it’s an uphill struggle.

My brother was diagnosed with leprosy in 2009 Hes been falling apart ever since.