Category: wordplay

A friend asked me, “What do you think of O J Simpson?” “A freakin’ maniac.” “He may be a maniac but just because he’s black doesn’t mean he’s from Africa you racist.”

Samoa. The answer to “What’s that in the shed?”

My building firm has been accused of gross negligence in constructing a block of flats that later collapsed. I think it’s entirely without foundation.

My dad fell to his death when he tried to urinate from the top of a building. What a way to go.

I was having a few drinks in the pub the other night when an architect ran through the door and started doing cartwheels and backflips. He knew how to make an entrance.

My wife used to be a regular customer at McDonalds. These days, she’s more of a large.

Just been thrown out of my local chess tournament. I was bashing the bishop.

My wife said she’s leaving me because i always say the opposite of what i mean. I hope she doesn’t, i love her!

My overweight girlfriend really wanted to go on the swing at the park today, I repeatedly told her not to. She couldn’t be swayed.

Land fill is rubbish.

My Spanish girlfriend won’t let me have a threesome. It’s strictly Juanita time.

After my girlfriend dumped me my mother told me there’s plenty more fish in the sea. To cheer myself up I went swimming and ended up pulling a mussel.

I was going to post a joke about chemistry but I was afraid of getting a bad reaction

My electric toothbrush came with the warning “Do not charge while turned on or battery may explode”. I don’t get why charging my toothbrush while brandishing a raging hard-on is going to cause an explosion.

Which king of England was the easiest to persuade? William the Concurer