Category: wordplay

I brewed 5 gallons of homebrew. It was pretty weak so my mate offered a tenner if I could drink the lot in one session… I was going to accept, but in the end I bottled it.

Where do all the Ethiopians live in England? Nuneaton

If my memory serves me well, I find myself wishing it wouldn’t.

When I was born my mother must have thought I was a real treasure… Cause she tried burying me several times.

I remember watching the news when 9/11 happened. At that time, at the bottom of the screen it said, ”LIVE IN NEW YORK” No, im not going to, I like were I am now and especially not when theres things like that going on.

My wife is in a bit of a pickle. From what I can gather that’s the best way to preserve her.

Kodak files for bankrupcy due to negative growth.

I’ve just caught my daughter playing double dutch with a really long piece of spaghetti. “Stop skipping meals!” I shouted.

I didn’t think my mate would make me get up and paint my entire body with Tipp-Ex. But he did. I stand corrected.

I walked into a clock shop and said to the owner, “Are you some kind of wind-up merchant?”

Time for a paradox.

Just went out and bought the new PS3 game, in which you develop a Persian country’s economy by finding vast resources of oil and gas. Qatar Hero.

I had to ground my son earlier. He won’t mess around with electricity again.

My father’s been talking to me from beyond the grave. It’s nice, but why does he insist we meet in the cemetery?

Did you hear about that 85 year old woman who fell through the floor boards of a fruit shop. At least she didn’t fall down the apples and pears.