Category: wordplay

Used to write books for a publisher which banned any kind of fictional novels. Honestly, you couldn’t make it up.

Sir John Major has said that he is looking forward to the release of a sequel to ‘The Iron Lady’. If Thatcher’s still alive by the time they have finished filming it, they can call it ‘The Never Ending Tory’.

Your Honour, I think you’re crazy. Sorry, that’s just judge mental.

Babysitter Best Friend’s Sister Female Colleague Neighbour’s Wife Wife’s Best Friend That’s me got my affairs in order.

Two pencils decided to have a race. They drew.

I heard a bloke singing, “Do… Re… Mi…” the other day. I thought to myself, “He’ll go Far.”

I recently penned a book about how to deal with being an orphan. Its nothing to write home about.

I remember when my wife was giving birth for the first time, I was stood by her side in the delivery room as the baby was starting to come. I remember thinking to myself ”This is such a lovely and rare privilege, Seeing my wife in so much pain”

I once carved a horse on a hillside. Cooking it was the tricky part.

I was watching a ship going out to sea yesterday in stormy clouds and raging winds. There was music blasting from It and all I could hear were people singing “I’ve been driving In my car It’s not quite a Jaguar.” I thought, “That’s Madness going out to sea in this weather.”

What do you call a man with no legs in a swimming pool? Bob What does he call his son? Buoy

My cat ate a ball of wool the other day…. It went on to have mittens.

We can end wars across the globe simply by renaming all guns “The Messenger”.

Me and my girl plan to recreate every position from the Kama Sutra tonight using only Lego bricks. The excitement is building.

My mate Kane always runs whenever it gets really windy and it baffles me so i said “Oi, Are you in a hurry kane”?