Category: wordplay

Went to a fancy dress party as a replacement tyre. Felt like a spare part all night.

You have to hand it to people that can’t reach it.

I had a fantastic job last year. I was making big money. That was the problem though, people noticed the notes were 5mm too big.

What do you call a cow missing two legs? Lean beef

I just started a band with my mates, were called The Shoes. We have a lot of sole.

I’ve got a couple of problems I need to get off my chest I’m going for the operation tomorow

Threw a penny down a well today and made a wish. I wish….the police don’t look for Penny down this well.

I just lost my job as a Psychic. I didn’t see that coming.

Oxo cubes are only a pound a pack. I’m going to stock up.

If it wasn’t for us, the USA would be a third of what it is today.

I sold some dodgy horse pellets to a bloke on eBay and now he’s demanding a refund or else. Either way, it looks like I’m getting some bad feed back.

I was tricked into buying some drugs by a swarm of wasps. It was a sting operation.

I’ve been going through a rough patch with the girlfriend. I might just bury her here, I can’t see anyone coming this far into the woods.

I fixed my wife up with a new job the other day – as a human cannonball. She went ballistic!

Hi my name is Tomimem The ‘mime’ is silent