Category: wordplay

I was driving past The Hawthorns earlier when I noticed a sign saying “Conference Facilities Here”. Somebody really should tell West Brom that it’s called the Blue Square Premier Division these days.

I’ve got nothing on today. I think I’ll go to a nudist camp.

I’ve come up with an idea for a spray that clears the air of all smells. I went to the patent office and the guy said; “This is madness!” “No.” I said. “This is Non-Scents”

I knew my ex-girlfriend was lying when she told me that she was ‘the one’. She dodged none of my bullets and died instantly.

I overheard my wife on the phone telling a friend that she was craving a bit of rough. I just can’t wait to see her happy little face when she finds out I’ve booked us in for a week at the old course at St. Andrews.

Sorry, I’d drafted up a joke about Bromine and Boron but must’ve left it on the kitchen table. BrB.

My wifes been cooking for just over an hour now. It serves her right for marrying an cannibal.

Just got myself a new Czech girlfriend, but it’s taken her 5 days to hoover the house. Turns out she’s a Slovak.

Those andrex puppies have been voted the most recognisable animals on t.v. for the fifth year running. Sounds like they’re on a roll to me.

I found my perfect match today. Redhead, stick thin, well kept box, if a bit rough on the edges. Seemed a shame to strike it.

I was going to tell a joke about procrastination, but I suppose it can wait…

My daredevil friend has nerves of steel. A bungee jump went wrong and he was crushed against a bridge.

You can always find a copy of yesterday’s Racing Post in the bushes of my next door neighbour’s garden. He must be hedging his bets.

I like using Latin phrases when speaking in English and vice versa.

What’s the most famous underground river? Phoenix.