Category: wordplay

I don’t understand people who can’t empathise!

I am well into modern line dancing. I jump around like crazy after half a gram.

I saw my neighbour eating some food out of a bin the other day so I shouted across the road, ‘Hygiene!’ ‘Hi there!’, replied Mr. Hackman.

The mrs asked me if I could pick some facial wipes up from Tesco on the way home yesterday. What a disappointing night it turned out to be.

After a long game the final whistle went and our coach came on the pitch The groundsman went ballistic.

I was totally engrossed in making New Year resolutions at work last night, & ended up with a huge list. I guess that my career as a sea captain is now over.

Considering how much I enjoyed adultery, the group I’ve just signed up for should be really fun. Can’t wait to try infantry.

Whenever it’s my mate’s birthday I always offer to have his party at my house. I really enjoy everyone’s presents.

Never play Hide & Seek with a Born-again Christian. After all, they’ve found God.

I went on a date with a stock broker last night. I could tell she fancied me straight away. She kept playing FTSE.

Someone put a note through my door this morning, it said 10-7=3. I’m sick of these takeaway leaflets.

Just been in court and the judge told me “you will be jailed for twenty years for the henious crime you have committed on a poor defenceless old woman who had no right to be treated in such a manner as you did in the middle of the night whilst she was sleeping alone in […]

My new girlfriend and I are going to sleep together tonight for the first time. Fingers crossed she can take 4 fingers… …but if I uncross them I can get a fist up there.

As the rest of the bobsleigh team and I prepared for our first run, the brake man suddenly fell to the floor clutching his leg. “Go on without me, I’ll only slow you down”, he cried.

Sky News: Dad Pedals Round Europe To Find His Son. There’s a tip for the McCanns, sell drugs if you want to find Maddie?