Category: wordplay

A vector goes to drug counselling to get help for his linear dependency …

I know this bloke who is a good-looking road sweeper. He scrubs up well.

I’m going to give my mother in law a frosty reception at her birthday party tonight. It was only fifty pounds to hire Tony the Tiger.

To Two 2 Too.. As if one isn’t enough.

Seen a coat you like but can’t afford it? Just jacket.

“So Mr. Smith. For 50,000, give me another word to describe misty weather.” “Sorry Chris. I don’t have the foggiest.”

If you hit someone with a rhythm stick. They may sustain an Ian Dury.

My wife left me today and all i have is a goat and a sheep Its just ewe and me kid

Gutted. Some bird invited me to a party but I forgot to RSPB.

Albinos pale in comparison to caucasians.

I’ve just carved myself a miniature Cthulhu out of wood. Love crafting.

I’m not worried about the Third World War. That’s the Third World’s Problem.

My wife said to me today, “I’m fed up of you throwing your weight around.” “This is the third gym we’ve been banned from this week”

I met my new girlfriend down the gym, she’s working out really well.

My Dad worships the God of The Sun. Kelvin Mackenzie.