Category: wordplay

Italics are a bit forward aren’t they?

Dear Twilight fans, Bella gets pregnant. love, Someone smart enough to read.

A bloke walks into a pub and orders himself a pint. He notices Vincent Van Gogh is sitting on the next barstool and asks him if he wants a pint, too. “No thanks,” replies Vincent. “I’ve got one ear.”

I’ve recently become a member of a Nigerian philosophy group. We all meet up once a month and swap ID’s

I went game fishing today. I came home with 4 Monopoly sets, 2 Scrabble and a Buckaroo.

Two climbers dead on Mont Blanc Must have been a bad bottle?

I was talking to my girlfriend about Yoga. She said it could cure all illness and disease. I think it’s a stretch.

When the wife denied me, I beat her with a bamboo cane & gave her two black eyes. One way or another, she’ll pander to my needs.

Isn’t it fitting that when you want to correct or improve something you’ve written you ‘white out’, but when you don’t want people to see the truth you ‘black out’.

I accidently left an apple outside my local GP’s surgery. He won’t be able to get in.

I got a call from my mum yesterday complaining that buying her underwear for Christmas was an affront. Actually it was a Y-Front

I was outbid 10p for a settee on ebay. So close, yet sofa.

To be honest I’m not very fit. So I bought a treadmill and now I run for an hour a day. I’m not really getting anywhere though.

I don’t like golfers who practise a lot, they are always off putting.

What’s the difference between my wife and making bread? I don’t knead my wife.