Category: wordplay

“Did you not hear the front door go this morning? My girlfriend asked. “No,” I replied, “But I’m betting some Gypos took it.”

BBC NEWS: Dead man found by police station. Must have been one clever police station!

I sometimes think of myself as being like the canary down the mine. The judge, however, thinks I’m a paedophile.

My wife is like a stuck record. A quick whack and she soon changes her tune.

You’ve got to feel sorry for the remaining Philpott children, they must miss the ones that have gone. They’re embers of the same family afterall.

I was just telling my neighbour that it’s my little boys birthday and I’m tired from blowing things up all morning. “Haha balloons.” She laughed. “No mosques.” I replied.

I’ve just had to buy a new knife. The old one wasn’t cutting it.

My mate showed me the strangest coin earlier, it was smooth on Both sides I couldn’t make head nor tail of it.

I’ve lost the plot, I keep ripping out pages from my novel.

I’m allergic to escaping prisons. I break out in a rash.

I’ve just had my idea for a new public holiday rejected. What’s wrong with ‘alzheimer remembrance day’?

Statistically 9/10 blondes reckon a typo is a form of martial arts

There’s an awkward time when girls don’t want to use sanitary towels, but are too young to use tampons. So, I came up with the ‘Tamtowel’. It’s filled a gap in the market.

theres a tribe south of africa who detest all types of clock and watches. they are a race against time

I never really got “Masters of the Universe.” But then again, I hadn’t even done a Bachelors of the Universe.