Category: wordplay

As an executioner in lynching criminals, I first started out a rookie. But after some time I started to get the hang of it.

This young Scots girl was handing out flyers for a new takeaway in our town. I noticed they were selling buffalo burgers on the menu. “That’s a bit different,” I said. What’s it like?” “Would you like a wee sample?” she replied. “Not right now,” I said, “but I’ll have a try of that buffalo […]

I lost my father last week. I’m sure he’ll turn up somewhere though

I bought one of those “Dyson Ball” vacuums. Surprised it didn’t even have a bag to collect the dust in. Guess it must be a Ball Bag-less vacuum.

Finally got my brown wings last night! ..And now my dream of scaring little kids and pensioners as a giant moth can be realised!

My mate has no hands. I feel for him.

Emile Heskey is on the look out for a club. He missed the ball and it flew out of his hand during a game of golf earlier.

I walked into B & Q the other day and shouted at the top of my voice “I NEED SOMETHING TO HELP ME GET FROM MY GROUND FLOOR UPTO MY 1ST FLOOR” You should’ve seen the stairs I got.

I’ve lived in Chester for years but i’m still a die hard City fan. Like I say, you can take the man out of Manchester… Oh, hang on.

I’ve released a new book on why it’s important to keep money in the bank for as long as possible. There’s been big interest so far.

Last year I was charged for having luggage dropped into my arms. It was a caught case.

I’ve just lost my thesaurus today. I feel very sad.

Getting 70% or more in my university exam? That would be a first.

I walked past 5 black men today playing the guitar, singing and wearing skinny jeans. It was Cameroon 5

Did you hear about the guy who got his whole left side cut off? He’s dead.