Category: wordplay

When are lawyers guaranteed to lose a case? At Heathrow.

I have a piece of wood attached to my wall that i kept all my Dusty Springfield records on but now that i’ve sold all my records, i just don’t know what to do with my shelf.

Sky news – ‘Tomlinson Doc Rapped Over Post Mortems’ I wonder if it was his own material or just a bit of Eminem.

I wanted to take the trash out the other night but she said she was feeling ill.

Polticially That’s Politically Incorrect.

Just when I thought I had got away with poisoning my wife, the Police found some compelling evidence and charged me with her murder. The proof was in the pudding.

“Snow Hampers Christmas Post” So everything is running normally then?

The suit I’ve chosen for my own funeral is a secret. I’ll take it to my grave.

I got hit in the face the other day by the lid of a tube of pringles. I wasn’t gonna mention it but it just popped in to my head.

People often describe me as a bull in a China shop. I can’t see the resemblance myself, I don’t think I look like beef in black bean sauce.

I was just telling my mate that 19 Antarctic penguins have died after getting a mystery illness in Germany. He said, “Flu?” I said, “No, their wings are too small.”

“16 Year Old Girl Shot In Takeaway Dies” Apparently she would have lived if they could have found a doner

Just heard about a woman who killed herself using a carrier bag over the head. That bag for life didn’t last too long then?

Evian have confirmed the signing of Denmark midfielder Christian Poulsen from Liverpool. A source close to the club, a Mr Walters said it was hard work to keep the deal from filtering out although we did try to sign him in the spring..

Ecstatic; Expression of pain and surprise given by a Yorkshireman when he gets an electric shock off his car.