Category: wordplay

Animal welfare activists have liberated a herd of calves which had been scheduled for slaughter in Northern Ireland. The Veal IRA have claimed responsibility.

I saw a lemon and a lime having a fight today. They seemed like bitter rivals.

When I was younger, I quite fancied a career in the services. But as I got older, I realised working in Little Chef would be rubbish.

My girlfriend has recently gone from a size 8 to a size 6. She cut her toe nails.

Today, I saw a sign at a picture framing shop that said, “Shoot the family, hang the kids, frame the wife.” Don’t photographers have a dark sense of humour?

My great great grandad was the only one who could light a fire in his villiage until he met his match.

Trying to learn about Erosion really wears me down…

A Blonde phones a Carpenter and says “Hi could you make me a box 50ft long and 3 inches wide” The Carpenter says “Yeah, but if you don’t mind me asking, what do you want it for?” The Blonde says “I’m moving out after divorcing my husband, And he said I can take the garden […]

I bought myself a Cheryl Cole fitness DVD a couple of weeks ago….. I’ve come along way since then.

Just got back from seeing “The Iron Lady” Dropped her off my shirts to do for work next week.

Someone left a bottle of vodka on my doorstep today. Not to worry, I managed to get to the bottom of it.

What do we want? Women’s rights! When do we want them? After we’ve finished the ironing!

I fell into a giant vat of liquid chocolate on a recent trip to Cadburys World. Fortunately for me, I came out of it smelling of Roses.

I was getting a quote from a guy to tile my roof. He told me what his plan was. It went straight over my head

My hands are like the Rain , They make you wet! ——————————————————– Mine are like onions