Category: wordplay

My wife has just popped down the chip shop. I think it was her seventh kebab that proved fatal.

My paperboy soon regretted signing up to one of those “Get ripped in weeks!” courses.

I find that the fastest way to inform people of an upcoming funeral is by sending them a cryptogram.

I was taking down some lecture notes this morning when I thought: “I really must try harder with my Christmas decorations next year.”

My cat’s bilingual. I gave him his meal and he woofed it down.

” Five year-old girl dies after completing life-long ambition” The term “life-long” means a lot less for some reason…

She rolled her eyes at me, so I rolled them back.

Saw a bloke today slowing crawling on the ground, looking up women’s skirts. What a creep.

The heiress to the Johnson and Johnson empire has been found dead in her LA home. The family have asked for no more tears.

Just quit my job with National rail. Couldn’t be doing with all the training.

When I get invited to a fancy dinner party, I always go commando. I find it can be a real conversation starter when I smash the sky light and zip line into the room.

saw 2 fit Sisters the other day, asked them if they fancied a bit, they were having nun of it

The girls’ swim team has a new coach who thinks she knows everything. Her name is Claire Buoyant.

It goes without saying, that I like silence.

The Mirror: ‘Sven hoping to to beat off Spurs, QPR and PSG to sign Becks’ How sore is his arm going to be after that?