Category: wordplay

It’s always been a pipedream of mine to quit my job and work in an arcade but I’m scared of change

I applied for a job at a bakery, but only made the final two. I don’t hold anything against the girl who got the job. Her knead is greater than mine.

I had to give up composing recently, due to my bad Bach.

Just opened a brand new box of cereal to find it empty except for an IOU. That’s the last time I buy Credit Crunchies.

I was well pleased with my find when I was looking through Lost property. I got a beach hut in the South Pacific.

I’ve just noticed Ocypete, Aello and Thyella on my scrotal sack. I think I’ve caught the Harpies.

One time I dared my little brother to drink a cup of acid. He hasn’t spoken to me since.

Why did the Kings of Leon use a trombone? Their sax was on fire.

My wife just came home with a wig in her hands. I said.” Where have you been?” She said.” I just popped out to get some fresh hair.”

I found out last night the best way to hail a taxi is by flashing g-stings at the taxi drivers. Although it did work better when the wife did it.

BBC News: Man arrested over missing woman Imagine if he’d have hit her

I mistook the driving range for the shooting range today. The golfers went mental, but I still managed to get a hole in one.

Be easy on inexperienced swimmers, you don’t want to go throwing them in at the deep end.

This nasty, sweaty woman, wearing a sleeveless sundress, walks into a bar. She raises her right arm, revealing a big hairy armpit as she points to all the people sitting at the bar and asks, “What man out there will buy a lady a drink?” The whole bar goes dead silent, as the patrons try […]

Thousands of Arnold Schwarzenegger DVDs are having to be returned due to a factory fault. Looks like a Total Recall.