Category: wordplay

I have just won ‘Vodafone Employee Of The Month’ I’m chuffed but I didn’t quite get the reception that I thought I would,

I met mini me’s 2nd wife yesterday Her name was Bigamy

Nicki Minaj sings about a stupid hoe. A bad gardener always blames their tools.

BBC News: “Egypt president dismisses cabinet” Some people just have no ikea for style.

I watched Amy Winehouse’s last concert on YouTube. She was like a double-amputee pirate stuck on land: legless and missing the high seas.

Just had an African come up and try to get me to sign a charity sheet – when I said no he started to cry… …what an emotional black male.

I can’t remember the first time i got completely drunk.

I’m Dave the pervert and climbing up 7 story buildings to watch women change through their window is my idea.

I was up before the local magistrate this morning. I stole his milk again.

I like to stare at the clock at 11:59 and think… Go on… make my day.

I left a floater in the pool at the weekend. I was never cut out to be a lifeguard.

Come to Romania……. It’s a stones throw from Northern Ireland!

What do you call a group of dyslexic physicists having a ‘sword’ fight? The Large Hardon Collider.

As I travelled around the country I came across some amazing coincidences. I saw an ox in a Ford in Oxford. I saw a red ditch in Redditch. I ate some Old ham in Oldham. And I met a Paki called Stan in Bradford.

After my wife had beat me for the tenth time playing tiddlywinks, I picked everything up and threw it in her face. I thought I’d launch a counter-offensive.