Category: wordplay

I saw this guy wearing a T-shirt which read “50 today!” “He’s showing his age” I thought

What’s the best way to kill a man…? Add a ‘w’ and an ‘o’.

My mate was playing darts he said, “go on mate name a number.” “Ok, so 7 can be called greg, and 12 can be a susan.” “Now you name a few” I replied.

Like Madonna I’m trying to adopt a spaz and an African kid. One Down, one Togo.

‘Are your relatives in business?’ ‘Yes – in the iron and steel business’ ‘Oh, indeed?’ ‘Yes – me mother irons and me father steals’

Just seen an advert on youtube, “Find a single Muslim.com” I’m not sure though, online relationships like that can blow up in your face

Apparently going to a fancy dress party dressed as a cactus is not a legitimate reason for spiking people’s drinks.

I’ve just seen a shooting star. Ron Jeremy.

Despite the stereotype, I know many black men who are on the payroll.. ..sorry.. ..it’s spelt ‘parole’

I love turning on fans. It gives me vent elation.

I love to read the Viz when it comes out, it reduces my erection whilst making me laugh.

I bought an iMac today. Now this way my eyes won’t get wet everytime I cry.

‘Wigs for biscuits’ by Gary Baldi

I’ve been making loads of different types of bread today and they’ve all turned out perfect. I don’t know what type to do next, I think I’m on a roll.

I can’t see Brown staying in much longer to be honest. A turtle’s head has just formed in my ringpiece in the last 30 seconds.