Category: wordplay

My sister wants to play Anne Frank in a theatre production. She’s always had lofty ambitions.

I’ve been watching back to back Pixar films until I couldn’t stand it any longer. I threw Up.

I dreamed of a world without paedophiles. I’d have made it too if it hadn’t been for those meddling kids.

My wife suggested we try and spice things up in the bedroom. So I hung a giant chili from the ceiling.

Scored with a black bird last night. It was just flying in front of me so I caught it sweet on the volley.

My friend and I are moving into a tree-house together. I hope we don’t fall out.

There’s a gang going through our town, systematically shoplifting clothes in size order… The police believe they’re still at large.

I went to the dentist last night and she said “Your teeth look pretty good, no tartar”. I said “Well there wouldn’t be, I haven’t had fish for ages”.

I’ve been a bricklayer for 15 years now. Surely there must be mortar life.

I’ve set up a taxi firm for unmarried girls who’ve lost babies. I think ‘Miss Carriage’ should do well.

There’s a word for people who like to post endless jokes online, hoping they can come up with the best joke of the day and never venture outside of their room. It starts with a ‘V’ and rhymes with ‘Merging.’ On a different note, I am currently single and looking, no experience required

My mate promised me a great time if I went with him to the pleasure beach. I thought “Fair play”

I quit my job at the Hairdressers. There were just too many big wigs in the office.

A bloke in the pub said a shoal of fish came out of the Atlantic and hit his wife. Sounds like codswallop to me.

Our housing estate has a small, resident ghost that helps out during hard times. It’s nice to have a little community spirit.