Category: wordplay

I quit my job on Jupiter. The hours were too long.

Did you hear about the mixed race fisherman? His line’s half cast.

I was deep in thought this morning. Then i realised, Thought is a stupid name for a cat.

People call me The Stunt Man. I had a disease that stopped me growing.

I’m a pretty good Ventriloquist. Even though I say so myself.

I was going to give my girlfriend a watch that I’ve bought her. But it wasn’t the right time.

I went to the doctors today and said, “My leg keeps talking to me and asking me to lend it money.” The doctor replied, “I think your leg is broke.”

My wife was paralysed in a car crash yesterday. I always warned her about driving at breakneck speed.

I’ve started my own medical practice but haven’t been making any money yet. My dad says I need to have patients.

My wife say’s she’ll leave me if I don’t do something about my Elvis obsession. It’s now or never

My mate called me an idiom the other day, I thought the insult was a bit cliched.

Was in town the other day when this little iranian lady shouted ‘ big’ish shoe please ‘ So I gave her one of my size 8 kickers – I was shoe shopping anyway

As I walked through our local forest, I found that an area had been cleared of trees and a gigantic eagle’s nest had been built in the exact center. It was eyrie.

I told my friend I have an appointment in the Midlands tomorrow with my Dermatologist. “Redditch?” he enquired. “No, but it is slightly sore”

My wife is upset because I didn’t get her what she asked for, for her birthday She said she wanted something that’s electrical, that vibrates and brings waves of pleasure. I got her the Ultimate Deluxe Rapid Fire X-Box 360 controller.