Category: wordplay

I’m getting increasingly angry at my wife moaning about my obsession with sampling new spirits. One day I’m going to try tequila.

There are so many obvious jokes about Jonnie Marbles He’s got a screw loose.

I bought a walking stick off a mate in the pub, but I think it’s broken. It hasn’t walked once.

What ever happened to the first Timbuk?

I can’t sleep much lately. I have to lie on the edge of the bed, that way I soon drop off.

I’m an idiot. I just bought one of those bags for life. Wasn’t until I got home that I remembered I don’t have a life.

I was devastated when my house burnt down with my wife inside. I should have waited until she got out of prison.

I am going to steal a board game from the local supermarket. I could get caught but I want to take the Risk.

Why should you never say boo to a meringue? Because it will eventually come back and hit you in the face.

The neighbours always complain when my girlfriend visits because she’s so noisy when she comes. But this morning, I finally took her car to Kwik Fit for a new exhaust.

I love my girlfriend more each day Since I started to increase the dosage, it’s taking her longer and longer to wake up and realise what I am doing

I failed my CB radio practical exam today. The instructor said “Do you copy?” I said “No, but I’ve got the answers written on my hand.”

I didn’t want to make a scene when I saw my wife in public with another man. So I threw a sharp stair in her direction. Unfortunately it’s now lodged in her brain. Theres no doubting the quality the B&Q stair range though.

I was sacked the day I nearly bankrupted our film company, hiring hundreds of people to be camouflaged soldiers in a battle scene. I never even gave it a second thought about the cost of the hidden extras.

Backside’s are quite smelly, on the whole.