Category: wordplay

My friend told me that i didn’t understand sarcasm. I ignored him because i knew he was being sarcastic.

What gets wetter the more it dries? A woman who really enjoys drying things.

My local bookies generates electricity using an Irishman running in a hamster wheel. Its Paddypower

Manchester United wiped the floor with Ajax tonight. As they have done every day since Darren Fletcher’s bowel condition was diagnosed.

I went round to my mate’s and he was doing a bit of woodwork. I said to him: ‘Where’s the missus then?’ He said ‘Upstairs in bed – she’s not at all well.’ I said ‘Is that her coughing?’ ‘No’ he replied ‘It’s a bedside table.’

I like to run around with a horses head on a broom handle. It’s a hobby of mine.

I told my mates that I’ve secretly eaten all of my girlfriend’s chocolate spread. They’d better Nutella.

Due to the downturn in the economy my friend has had to close down his salt stall He’s really feeling the pinch

If you get a transfusion from Taiwan does that mean you always get Taipei blood?

My brother used to be a gangsta rapper. He once covered Ronnie Kray in cling film.

My Dad blames me for his descent into the filthy world of kerb crawling. He’s got a point really; I did sell his wheelchair on e-bay.

Eddie Stobart died of a heart attack, Apparently he got the freight of his life.

Lady Gaga is re-releasing one of her hits as a tribute to Gary Barlow “Stillborn This Way”

It’s been a bad day, I’ve just been told by the doctor that I’m allergic to my deodorant. Oh well, roll-on tomorrow.

I’ve just been invited to a knees up. Or as my girlfriend calls it, accompanying her to the gynaecologist.