Category: wordplay

I was convicted today of being a serial rapist. I’m sorry, but those cheery-hoes deserved it!

I had a nice ‘Pisa’ steak last night. It was very lean.

This morning I woke up next to some tart. Must have sleepwalked to the kitchen again.

Hoping my new groin aftershave catches on. Everyone buy ‘Come To Me’ & help me out. I was gonna call it ‘Desire’ but the missus sniffed it & said “It smells like Come To Me”

My blood is type O, though I think I might have spelt that wrong.

I went in to the barbers earlier for a haircut and beard trim. Not sure what happened, but I’ve just woke up on life support with half my face missing. The doctor told me it was a close shave.

Why did the entrepreneur open the door? Because oppurtunity knocked.

Why doesn’t Karl Marx like Earl Gray? He doesn’t believe in property.

I was filling my tank at the petrol station the other day How I managed to steal it from the military, you don’t want to know…

Ten words, two commas, an exclamation mark and a full stop all appeared in court yesterday… They’re due to be sentenced next week.

Just lost a championship Scrabble match. To be honest, my chances didn’t look good from the word go

I flashed an old lady in the park this morning and it caused her to have a seizure. How was I meant to know she was epileptic.

I’m getting sick and tired of all these jokes about missing children. Lets just face it, they’ve been done to death.

My ice business got liquidated due to a power cut.

What do you call a mermaid on the roof? Aerial.